Shattered Soul
by Vandileir
Summary: A songfic to Creeds "Weathered" Its a depcition of how I feel Gohna would have been dealing with or coming to terms with his fathers death.


Authors Notes: This is the song of the hour for me. Haven't felt a song like this in a long time. And of course, who did first come to mind as well? Yup, Gohan. Now, you might say, "Gohan? Depressed?" I didn't say traditional Gohan. My Gohan, the one who is real, and who is actually effected in some way by his past. Fanfics that tell how he would really feel are few and far apart. This is a songfic to Creed's "Weathered."  
  
This fic takes place while Gohan is 16 or so. When I feel he would be dealing with, yet still coming to terms with his past.  
  
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"I lie awake on a long, dark night. I can't seem to tame my mind"  
  
I had been tossing and turning all night, I just couldn't sleep. I just couldn't stop thinking. About what? Father. I had been doing that a lot lately, more so than usual.  
  
"Slings and arrows are killing me inside"  
  
The worse part, absolutely has to be the nightmares. There probably caused by the guilt, but what's not for me to feel guilty about?  
  
"Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine. No I can't accept the life that's mine"  
  
I jumped out of bed, I just couldn't sit still anymore. I put on dads GI. I can almost fit into it now. I hopped out the window, and headed into the forest.  
  
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"Simple living is my desperate cry. Been treading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine"  
  
I ran far from the house, I just kept running, not wanting to think about mom, or Goten, or how I had taken dad from them. I just wanted to run away from it all.  
  
"I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone"  
  
I stopped finally, and I stood just staring at the ground.  
  
"Father, I'm so sorry. Mom, Goten, please forgive me."  
  
I felt the pain aching in my heart. Like a void of blackness that at any moment could consume me.  
  
"Maybe that's why I feel alone. Maybe that's why I feel so alone"  
  
The tears, I could barely hold them back, and then they fell. First a few, then a river. I hadn't cried since the day he, the day father died.  
  
  
  
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"Me? I'm rusted and weathered. Barely holding together. I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal"  
  
I was disgusted with the sound of my own sobs. How could I be so weak? I rammed my fist into the nearest thing I could find, some defenseless old tree. It hit the ground with a sickening thud.  
  
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"The sun shines and I can't avoid the light. I think I'm holding on to life too tight"  
  
I could see the sun rising, mom would be up soon. I should get going. I hesitated momentarily and thought about not going home at all. I dismissed it, mom still needs me. Goten still needs me.  
  
"Ashes to ashes and dust to dust"  
  
I started the slow walk home, once again mulling over my thoughts.  
  
"Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I feel like giving up"  
  
Why is it I keep putting my self through this every day? God I wish something would just end my misery.  
  
"Boo hoo, poor Gohan Killed your father and you feel sorry for you self?"  
  
God I'm pathetic.  
  
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"Me? I'm rusted and weathered. Barely holding together. I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal"  
  
I stopped and sat, staring at the sun rising. Again I started thinking. I looked up at the sky.  
  
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"The day reminds me of you. The night hides your truth"  
  
Father, you were so calm, and brave. How could you sacrifice your self like that. Easy I guess, you are a real hero, and I am just a foolish boy.  
  
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"The earth is a voice. Speaking to you"  
  
I wish I could talk to you father. There so much I need to say, so much I need your help with. I wish you could answer me father.  
  
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"Take all this pride. And leave it behind"  
  
Dammit, why did I have to be so foolish? Why couldn't I have just defeated Cell, then you never would have had to die. You would still be here for me, for mom, and Goten.  
  
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"Because one day it ends. One day we die"  
  
It should have been me, I should have died, it was my mistake  
  
"Oh father, I'm so sorry."  
  
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"Believe what you will. That is your right"  
  
They all called me a hero, the son of Goku, here to follow in your footsteps. But I'm nothing like you father, I could never be.  
  
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"But I choose to fight. So I choose to fight. To fight"  
  
The tears were almost falling again. I promise father, I will make it up to you some how, I'll make you proud to call me your son.  
  
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"Me? I'm rusted and weathered. Barely holding together. I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal"  
  
I started a slow flight towards home. Mom would be up by now, lets hope she hasn't noticed me gone, I don't want to put her through any more.  
  
I flew in the open window, and slipped back into bed. I finally laid down to sleep, still wearing fathers GI.  
  
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A/N: Well, that was my first song fic, how did it go? I could really use feedback on this one, positive or negative. Well, thanks for taking the time to read. Bye. 


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